“Get busy living or get busy dying.” ~ from the Shawshank Redemption
Do you see the defining moments in your life as they happen? Are you living the life you want?
DON’T BE DEFINED BY SOMEONE ELSE’S EXPECTATIONS.
In every man’s life there are days that define his existence. They come crashing down in a storm of anxiety and stress that clouds any sort of optimism. It’s in those moments that you either take a step closer to your end goal or it vanishes forever. They are moments of great importance. You must recognize the decision in that moment or risk drifting off course. What do you want in life? How does the decision affect your course?
The first of those days that I experienced came in 2006. I spent the day floating down the river with friends. At the end of the trip one of my friends started talking about joining a gym. I didn’t think much of it until I got home. Long trip, had to empty the tank and as I stood there over the toilet, staring at my reflection in the mirror it hit me.
Like a freight train.
We all have this mental image of ourselves. Mine was just delusional. I had turned into a fat slob. You could see the loathing I had for myself in my expression below.
It was the first time I had seen myself for what I was. I had been overweight for years, but always in denial. I was 5’10” and 250lbs of lard. It was that moment that defined the course of my life.
The following day I started down my path of fat loss with the goal of becoming the man I believed myself to be. I wanted to be that mental picture I had. There was going to be no more Mr. Tubby.
I battled. I obsessed over every aspect of my life to help me move closer to that ideal. It was 8 months of hard work, but I finally started to like what I saw.
80LBS LIGHTER…
This was the first time I recognized a DEFINING MOMENT and put in the work to change it. I vowed never to be a quitter. I developed toughness and determination. I took up CrossFit. I took up martial arts. Earbed a black belt. I started focusing on my studies(managed to up my level of classes along with working a side job).
Life was back on track. Or so I thought…
Go out and fucking live.
As I’m writing this, I cannot help but look at the quote from Tyler Durden and look at my life with an objective eye. Its been about six years since that moment, but life goes on. My weight has drifted back and forth since then, but I’m still not at the ideal. My job situation has changed and I’m still hitting the books, only that I’m not. My life is ticking away.
EVERY SECOND I’M CLOSER TO DYING DOING AN ACTIVITY I HAVE NO INTEREST IN.
That’s not how I want to be defined.
College has become an obstacle. I started out in Computer Science. That soon changed to Kinesiology after my transformation. However, I got told that there was no money there so I moved to Criminal Justice.
I churned and churned away at courses. I realized that CJ wasn’t for me so I moved toward Business. What I found was that very little of the course material that was thrown at me was/is helping me move toward my goal.
Its very disheartening wanting to do something but being told by society, parents, girlfriends, and friends that you have to go to college. Its like the end all be all to life. Every second spent there was a battle. As I’m writing this I’m skipping a test in Finance.
WHY?
College has eroded into a toxin that has corrupted my life. When I leave my last class I’m forced with a decision. To spend time working on a project that interests me, forwards me closer to my goal, or do I do menial busy work that may one day help me(but probably not).
My social life went down the toilet because next to a job and college, there’s little room for anything else. Outside of that looms the giant monster that is student loan debt. Mixed together it creates the perfect storm that has sent me spiraling down a mentally exhausting mindfuck.
AND I’M A PUSSY FOR IT.
I’m a pussy for not realizing three years back that college isn’t for everyone. It’s for some people, but not me. I was stuck on two things: expectations and investment.
I was expected to graduate college. My family painted this image of me as the one who is going to make the most money. Studies are out saying that college graduates make more money than those that don’t go to college. Yet at the same time, there are numerous examples of college dropouts making it big(hello Steve Jobs).
I invested so much time, money, and resources to going to college. There’s no way I couldn’t NOT finish. The only thing you should ever be that invested in is your mission in life.
Rollo Tomassi of The Rational Male has said:
“In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.” ~ Rollo Tomassi
Whether it’s education, your job, your girl, don’t be so invested that you need them more than they need you.
